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A kind, career driven Gen Z named Cat with a budding interest in entrepreneurship and personal growth recently reached out to me with this question -"Would you mind sharing how I could find and ask someone to be my mentor?"
What a great question, Cat! You are not alone in your quest for a mentor. It's something that everyone should have or at least be seeking to have no matter what phase of life or career they are in. You don't have to experience and go through life alone and certainly you don't have to solve all your problems and make tough decisions alone.
Having a mentor provides the guidance, direction and encouragement that many people crave when they are starting a new job, evaluating possible career paths, working towards a promotion, entering a new phase of life, making difficult decisions, etc.
It's an invaluable experience and the benefits extend into the lives of the mentors as well as the mentees, and even to the companies that foster or promote mentorship in the workplace.
General Stats on Mentoring
76% of people think mentors are important, however, only 37% of people currently have one. (source)
63% of women have never had a formal mentor (source)
90% of workers who have a mentor report being happy in their job (source)
Employees who are involved in mentoring program have a 50% higher retention rate than those not involved and 93% of mentees believe their mentoring relationship was useful. (source)
Employees who received mentoring were promoted FIVE times more often than people who didn’t have mentors. (source)
This is what I shared with Cat and hopefully it helps you as well. Here are 5 tips for finding and asking someone to be your mentor:
#1 - Define Your Goals
First and foremost, you need to define your goals for what you want to get out of the mentorship experience. What are you growing towards? For example…
Are you looking to advance your career and need a mentor whose career path you wish to emulate?
Are your goals more skills development related and you need a mentor who can teach you a tangible skill that you need to learn?
Are you needing a mentor to navigate you through a challenge, struggle or rough patch you are experiencing?
Are you experiencing a new season in life and need someone to walk with you and encourage you through it?
Are you starting a new venture and need mentorship from someone who has done what you set out to accomplish?
Be specific. This will help you determine who to seek as a mentor.
#2 - Find a Mentor
Actually…find two mentors… one direct and one indirect.
A direct mentor is someone you can meet with face-to-face and build a personal relationship with. Be looking for someone whose experiences, skills, successes, etc., are aligned with your goals. This could be someone you already know or someone you know of but don't have a relationship with yet.
If you don't personally know or know of someone with the exact knowledge and expertise you are looking to learn and glean from, you can:
See if your company has a formal mentor program. 70% of Fortune 500 companies have mentoring programs so there is a good chance yours may too.
Ask around. The best networking question you can ask is "who do you know that I need to know, and can you introduce them to me?" Tell anyone from your peers, manager, teachers, family members, etc., your mentoring needs and ask if they know someone who would be a great fit to help you accomplish your goals. I promise you are two degrees away from your perfect mentor!
Don't stop there though. In your quest for a mentor you should also find and follow an indirect mentor, someone you can learn and study from at a distance. John Maxwell and Patrick Lencioni are two of my indirect mentors. I don't know them personally but they both have accomplished or are accomplishing what I am setting out to do and share the same values around family and faith. I listen to their podcasts and read their books more than any others, and even though they don't know it, they have mentored me through several different phases of life and work. Thanks John and Pat!
Word of caution - as helpful as it is to find an indirect mentor, nothing can replace the value of having a mentor you can meet with face-to-face and build a personal relationship with. It may seem safe to just surround yourself with authors, influencers and Youtube speakers but in order see a real impact on your life you need to be courageous, step out of your comfort zone and find a direct mentor.
#3 - Ask
Obviously this one applies to a direct mentor. Once you think you know who you would like to be your mentor, you have to be brave and make the first connection. Here is the process I have used in the past that has worked well..
First - Make the initial contact. Reach out and ask them if they would consider an introductory meeting. Something like "Hey, I am needing a mentor in this area and want to grow in this direction and from what I can tell about you, your story, your skills or your accomplishments I believe there is a lot I can learn and glean from you. Can I take you to coffee and pick you brain?"
Second - During that initial meeting you should assess the connection. Are they indeed the mentor you are looking for and want to establish a relationship with? Do they have a teaching spirit and are excited about your aspirations? Do they seem able and willing to invest the time to mentor you? Did you leave the meeting motivated, intellectually stimulated and encouraged? If you can answer these questions with a resounding yes, move on to the next step.
Third - If this is indeed the person you wish to mentor you, at the end of the meeting be sure to ask them if they would be interested in being your mentor and meeting again once a month or once a quarter. "I have learned so much from you just in this first meeting. If you are open to it, I would love to have you as my mentor. Can we schedule a regular meeting and if so, what cadence works best for you?"
Fourth - If they say yes, end with one final question. "Now that you know a little about me and what I am hoping to learn and achieve - what is the one thing right now that I should do or focus on?" That way when you meet again, you can give them a progress report about what you learned from applying their advice!
#4 - Own The Relationship
It is a common misconception that it is the job of a mentor to reach out to you, get on your calendar, check in with you on your progress, etc. Now, a great mentor may periodically check in, but in a truly successful and professional mentoring experience the mentee owns the relationship. You are in the drivers seat. You should...
Be the first to make contact
Schedule the first meeting, then the second and third, etc.
Put reminders on their calendar
Have an objective set for what you need to learn from them from each meeting
Have your list of questions ready
Start each meeting with a progress report
Always be respectful of their time and mindful of how much you are asking of them. Be ready to be challenged. Be open to honest and constructive feedback - because it's coming! A great mentor stretches us out of our comfort zones, challenges our existing ways of thinking and operating and encourages us to grow to levels that are just a bit over our heads - and that is a great thing!
#5 - Add Value In Return
A great mentoring relationship isn't just one sided. While it may start out as one person sharing advice with another, over time it can grow to a mutually beneficial, educational and fruitful experience. Find opportunities to connect with and add value in return. Here is a list of connecting questions you can use to help uncover these opportunities:
What is a goal you want to accomplish this year?
What is one thing you want to accomplish in your lifetime?
What’s a passion project you are working on right now?
What hobby of yours brings you the most joy?
What is a challenge they are currently working through?
What are you reading right now?
What is one of your favorite topics of conversation?
What is something you have always wanted to learn?
What is something you should do more of?
What is something you recently discovered that you are excited about?
What is something you have always wanted to learn?
How can I help or add value to you?
Pro tip! Write down what you discover and think about how you can use that knowledge to grow your connection and add value before your next meeting. It could be a simple as asking them about the progress they are making in a certain area, did they do that thing they said they wanted to do, offering an article, book or podcast suggestion in an area that interests them, etc.
Keep the questions coming! This has been fun! Like Cat, if you are curious about a topic or need advice send me a note at heather@peoplewarriors.com. Chances are you are not alone, and your bravery and curiosity may help a lot of other people in return.
That's all for today!
Your leadership coach,
Heather :)
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